Insight for Men: How to Introduce Porn

Guys seem to find porn endlessly entertaining. And because you guys love it so much, you want to share it with the opposite sex.

But the question of how to introduce the idea of watching porn with your lady friend might seem a little overwhelming.

For whatever reason, some girls might never be into the idea of surfing XVid. But others will, if you approach it the right way.

To start, don’t bring up porn too early in a relationship. This isn’t something you should throw on as background music the first time you hook up. In order for a girl to enjoy a somewhat out-there sexual experience (and watching porn with a guy might seem “out there” to a girl who’s never tried it before), she has to feel comfortable with her partner.

So don’t even think about bringing it up until you’ve been dating/hooking up for a couple of weeks.

Once you’re starting to feel a little more comfortable with each other (e.g., you know her middle name, have met some of her friends), start doing some research. You probably have your go-to faves, but men and women often have totally different tastes in porn. In our experience, guys tend to prefer watching women with fake tits get penetrated in every available orifice by men with large penises. The closer the camera gets to the action, the better.

Women, on the other hand, tend to be much more stimulated by their imaginations. Plot-driven porn with a semi-realistic setup is much more appealing to the fairer sex.

Pick out a few films that are heavy on narrative and so light on the vaginal close-ups that they border on soft-core. Try to find something without anal or oral sex. Male and female reproductive organs aren’t exactly pretty to look at, and because women are more turned on by cerebral stimulation, the more you can leave to her imagination, the better.

Let her get her toes wet without freaking her out. Don’t pick anything with a money shot or double penetration. Find one that doesn’t denigrate/humiliate the female porn star. The story should take up just as much screen time as the sex does, and try to find plot lines that middle-aged women would fantasize about (e.g., nailing the mailman, doing the boss at work).

Bring it up at the beginning of a hookup. Wait till things are heading in that direction (i.e., you’re making out, her shirt is off). Then say, “Can I put on some porn?”

Don’t ask her, “Do you want me to put on some porn?” or “Do you like porn?” or “Have you ever watched porn with a guy before?” These are all questions she won’t want to answer, and she’ll feel more inclined to say no.

If she hesitates, say something like, “I picked out a few videos I think you’ll like. What if we start watching them, and if you don’t like them, I’ll turn it off?” Make her feel like she’s in control of the Stop button, and let her know that she can press it at any time. But don’t use negative language. If you say something like, “If you’re freaked out, we can stop,” she’ll be more likely to feel freaked out, because you’re basically telling her you expect that reaction.

Put on the video, and let things progress naturally (if she initiates physical contact, go with it; if she doesn’t, let her watch the video while maintaining sporadic physical contact—kiss her shoulder ever minute or so, gently nibble her ear, etc.). Do NOT ask her if she likes it, because, again, you’re forcing her to answer a question that’s more taboo for women, and her gut instinct will probably be to say, “No.” If she seems overly frigid or uncomfortable, try pausing it for a few minutes and resume the make-out, upping your efforts to turn her on. The more you stimulate her and get her in the mood, the more receptive she’ll be to the porn. After a few minutes of that, resume the movie.

Bring it up again during post-coital pillow talk. Don’t ask her if she liked it, but do ask her what she liked and disliked about the video. Don’t ask her if she wants to do it again. Instead, listen to her input and say something like, “Cool. I’ll pick out some different ones for next time.”

And then do that. If she said she wanted something more hardcore, go for it. If she said she wanted something with oral sex, find that.

But don’t press play the next time she comes over. Don’t bring up porn for the next few hookups (unless she asks for it). Reintroduce it a couple weeks later.

But if she says no, respect that. Don’t pressure her into doing something she’s not comfortable with it. She won’t enjoy it, and neither will you.