Sexual Ambiguity

We’ve all been at a bar, flirting with a guy, everything’s going really well… and then he asks if your boots are from JCrew.

You think, Maybe he used to work there, and you let it slide… until he tells you he’s planning on going to SATC 2 on opening night.

But earlier in the night, he was talking about football. And he just bought you two rounds of rum and diets. Sooo… you’re a little confused. And you don’t want to waste the night flirting with a guy who doesn’t swing that way. Is there a polite way to ask which gender he prefers?

In general, we don’t think it’s the best idea. Asking about someone’s sexuality is as personal as asking how often they have sex. And so most of the time you have to suck it up and enjoy the conversation on face value—even you go home alone at the end of the night.

But if you’re the right kind of person (e.g., confident, self-assured), our bisexual friend suggested saying, “So, do you date guys or girls?”

That question doesn’t force the person to identify his sexuality or put labels on anything. It’s a low-pressure question, and if he balks, you can say something like, “I never like to assume anything.”