Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Online Dating Deathmatch: OK Cupid vs. Match.com Vs. eHarmony


When you decide to take the plunge into online dating, you’ve already made a big and sometimes difficult decision. You have to get over that knee-jerk reaction most people have to the idea of meeting a soul mate online, but now you an even bigger conundrum: which site do you choose?

Today, we’re going to talk about the Big 3  sites in DC (OKCupid, Match, and eHarmony) and how you should go about exploring the world of cyber romance.

First, the basics: OKCupid is a free site that reminds a lot of people of Facebook. It feels targeted at a younger crowd, and the quizzes can be as addictive and time-consuming as Farmville.  The profile is more structured—users answer specific questions, like “What are 6 things you couldn’t live without?” and tries to get users to post more information than “Who are you? What do you do for a living? What are you looking for?” Users can “wink” (which no one seems to do) or message when they see a profile they like. There’s also an option to chat via instant messenger. 

Match is a paid subscription service, although you can do some things without paying. The profile isn’t as slick as OK Cupid and tends to be more open-ended. You get a lot of “About me” responses that are pretty vague and some variation on, “I enjoy long walks on the beach and am looking for someone to share my life with.” The communication is similar to OK Cupid—when you see someone you like, you initiate a conversation.

eHarmony is another paid site that’s definitely targeted at the older, more serious crowd. The profile is more structured with OKCupid-like “quirky” questions, but eHarmony distinguishes itself with its communication process. When you like someone, you don’t just message them—you can send an “Icebreaker” that says something cheesy like “I like your smile,” or you can send him a message. The difference is that eHarmony pushes users to use a guided communication process, which makes users send and answers questions like “What books have you read recently?” before you can send an open-ended, unstructured messages.  You do have the option of sending a say-anything message right off the bat, but the user has the option of rejecting it and pursing guided communication.

Before we get into the pros and cons of each site, we’d recommend that beginners sign up for all three and see which they like best. OKCupid is free, and Match usually has a free trial period. eHarmony lets you create a profile for free, but you can’t see pictures or message anyone unless you pay, although they do “open communication” weekends where you can message without a subscription. Match and eHarmony also usually have money-back guarantees, where you can cancel in the first two weeks and get your money fully refunded. If you sign up for a shorter period, or cancel within the trial period, you’ll probably get an offer to resubscribe at a much lower rate.

But here’s our take on the offerings in the DC area.

OKCupid seems to be the best bet for the recent grads, students, and “young professionals.” Because it’s free, it tends to attract people who just want to test the waters of online dating, and you’re probably going to get a wide range of atypical users (Match and eHarmony seemed to have a lot of overlap, but OKCupid seemed to have more users who weren’t singed up for the paid subscription sites). Basically, it seems like a younger crowd who would prefer to meet dates in “real life” (e.g., in bars) but got sick of trying to meet Mr. Right in AdMo.

OKCupid claims to have a scientific method for creating matches. There are basically just a bunch of questions on a wide range of topics (from religion to education to math problems) and you select your own answer to the questions, answers that would be acceptable for a partner to answer, and how important the topic is to you. They use this to match you up with people, sometimes to varying results, but you do get a chance to see, for example, how important religion is to FaulknerHottie222.

In our experience, Match is to OKCupid what MySpace is to Facebook. That comparison might not be totally fair, but you do see more users who seem to fit the stereotype of online dating (e.g., shirtless guys, creepy messages). The selection might be better for older users who might be turned off by the “personality quizzes” and other more juvenile features OK Cupid offers. The matching feels a little more arbitrary, probably because they’re matching you based on a public profile (on OKCupid, you can choose to keep your answers to the matching questions confidential). People might therefore be more likely to exaggerate answers and paint more flattering pictures of themselves. Because Match matches people based on an idealized description of who they are and what they’re looking for, some of your “100 percent” matches might be people you wouldn’t go out with on a dare.

We say this all the time, but paid subscriptions do not mean better results. If anything, paid users have made an investment, and they’re looking to get something out of it, which might mean more aggressive messages, a push to meet in person faster, etc. More “serious” users might be people who’ve had so much trouble with “traditional” dating that they’re willing to drop cash for something that works. That doesn’t mean that all subscription users are desperate, weird, or creepy—most probably aren’t—but there does seem to be this misconception that the paid sites attract more desirable users.

eHarmony was our least favorite site, mainly because the barriers to entry seem unnecessarily high (you have to spend about 2 hours filling out really long surveys before you can see your matches), and there are so many roadblocks to communication. It might seem like sending a message with something along the lines of “What’s your favorite book” would lead to more substantive conversations, but sometimes it pulls you into extended communication with someone who might have revealed his true colors if he sent you an initial message that said something like, “I like to take care of my body and hope you do too.”

The OKCupid-style questionnaire might lead to better matches, but it’s so hard to actually talk to anyone that we ended up giving up because we couldn’t take the frustration.

Again, it might be better for an older crowd (and that doesn’t mean super-mature 23-year-olds—it means people who are looking to date a 40-something), but it seemed pretty tedious when a 20-something can find (and communicate with) plenty of matches on the other two sites.

20 comments:

  1. eHarmony is a huge scam, I asked for a refund and they granted it, however after two weeks, I never saw it. I had to go through my bank to get it back. The free communication also a scam, you still can't see pictures.

    I find a lot of overlap of people on match and okc actually. I have had more luck on okc oddly enough. You have the creepers equally on match and okc. OKC does not nothing about them though. Great Post

    ReplyDelete
  2. People do send winks on OKC, probably 75% of the messages I get are winks from girls who say nothing but "hey" or "how are you?"

    ReplyDelete
  3. FaulknerHottie zomg I would wink at him! This guy once messaged me on OK Cupid (don't know if I told you I was on OK Cupid for like...a month, but I was) with just a simple "hey what's up" type message but I was really excited since his user name was Bob Loblaw. I wasn't especially interested based on picture or profile but I messaged back: "Oh my god do you have a law blog!!" He didn't get it.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Wow... your site is great and is filled with valuable information about free online dating... Your site really helped me to find singles online and to get into relationship. I will recommend you site to all of my single friends.

    Online single man from www.talkativetimes.com - Date singles online for free

    ReplyDelete
  5. Thanks For Sharing Online Dating Tips.......
    Keep Such Online Dating Tips and Advice Continue......
    Match Finder Online

    ReplyDelete
  6. Dating sites are not new in our society and the impact they are making since their coming. Now I think that dating has become the most important part of everyone’s life, if you see like millions of people are adding to these dating sites for fee and doing enjoyment.
    free online dating

    ReplyDelete
  7. I would like to see my dating website Wink2Date up in that title :) 3+ million members and growing extremely fast.

    ReplyDelete
  8. The three dating sites are all famous in the field of online dating.

    ReplyDelete
  9. High number of individual relationship guidelines and relationship sites are available in the Internet. When you are applying to a new relationship web page, then you are displaying up for the world to find the best associate for your life.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Thanks on your marvelous posting! I actually enjoyed reading it; you might be a great author. I will make certain to bookmark your blog and may come back very soon. I want to encourage you to continue your great work, have a nice weekend!

    ReplyDelete
  11. very nice post. thanksss . please continue. Very interesting thoughts.

    ReplyDelete
  12. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  13. What ever Dating site are competing. There was only one goal. To help People Meet there partners...

    Online Matchmakers

    ReplyDelete
  14. Thanks for this information. A very valuable insight for those who are seeking online dating sites.

    meet singles in your area free

    ReplyDelete
  15. Best wishes for a wonderful 2013…
    New to this on line dating sites, looking for a lovely person to share the beautiful moments of life with. You’ve caught my attention and charmed me… I am mature enough healthy physically and sexually, contacting you regarding a meaningful proposal (mutual benefit) that you might eventually be interested in, *NOT looking 4 a one night stand* wanting long term and would not mind trying anything you might enjoy. Otherwise all the rest will follow spontaneously… I wait to hear from you at your earliest convenience at rachidboukar@yahoo.com to enable me provide you with more about me.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Most dating sites that I have tried have been quite disappointing. They are ok for a laugh but not if you really are looking for something. So I searched for dating website for real relationship and I found this globogirls.com and it was really good, it is a good way to see what is out there. There are a lot of different people in different countries, but some good ones too. The good thing about it is that it's totally secure because they have the feature of video chatting with these girls so you'll not share your personal contacts unless you're 100% sure , One thing that I really liked was the tips on how to avoid scam and fraud.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Awesome post this article has some extremely good point’s process to find girls for make relationship. Thanks for sharing precious information again…. To get more similar services click this link adultsinglesites.com.au process to find dating partner.

    ReplyDelete
  18. I like this topic. I want know some helpful things from this side. It is one of the best post from other. It is a useful and charming post.It is extremely helpful for me.
    Speed Dating Singles

    ReplyDelete
  19. I think this is one of the most important information for me.
    And i am glad studying your article. But want to observation on few normal issues, The web site taste is great, the articles is
    truly great : D. Good task, cheers
    dating site scams

    ReplyDelete
  20. Thank you for this valuable information, I hope it is okay that I bookmarked your website for further references. Matemingler is the number one dating site for singles seeking long-term relationships. Join for free to be matched with compatible singles.

    ReplyDelete