Survey the District: How to Come Clean After Faking It

Dear Date the District,

I’ve been with my boyfriend for about 6 months now, and I’ve faked orgasms with him every time we’ve had sex. It’s not that he’s bad—I’ve just never had one before, and I’ve always been too embarrassed to tell the guys I’m with. I feel totally comfortable with my current boyfriend, and I’d really like to try coming for real with him. The problem is, how do I tell him I’ve been lying for the past six months?

Female orgasms are a sensitive subject. In the absence of any physical proof, guys are forced to rely on their partners for feedback, and fake orgasms are a huge blow to their egos.

Faking an orgasm is a huge breach of trust, because it’s betraying people in an area in which they usually feel pretty vulnerable: sex. Guys usually assume that women only fake it when it’s really bad, and girls sometimes feel like they have to fake it, even if they’re enjoying it, to make their partner feel adequate.

Coming clean can be embarrassing and difficult, and how you decide to do it depends on where you are in your relationship. If you think he’ll take it well, tell the truth. But if you’re worried it might make him feel incredibly sexually insecure (e.g., he seems to get a huge self-esteem boost from getting you off), there are still a few ways to work on orgasming without telling the whole truth.

If you’ve been faking it during penetration, tell him you’ve never had a clitoral orgasm, and ask him to work with you on that. Tell him he’ll need to be patient, but that it’s really important to you, and something you’ve been wondering about for years.

If you’re faking it when he goes down on you, tell him you want to find your g-spot.

If you’ve started taking medication, you could blame it on that. Tell him your new birth control means you’re going to need to work a little harder to get you back in the saddle, but that your doctor really wants you to try to make this brand work.

Because you’ve never come before, you’re probably best off having him spend more time eating you out. Tell him you want it to last longer than usual, and that you’re going to hold back and make him work harder to get you off.

You could also try something like this, “I always thought I was coming with you, but the other day in the shower, I was touching myself, and it was like this explosion. Like, with you, it always felt really good, but I think maybe this was my first ever orgasm—I was like squirting and everything. I want to get there again—and I want you to do it for me.”

At the end of the day, though, if you love and trust him, you should be able to come clean and work through your sexual exaggeration. He’s obviously doing something right if you’ve been together this long, and make sure he knows how good makes you feel in bed before you tell him your performances might have been a little less than authentic.

Cheating In Your 20s

Fidelity is always murky in the 20-something dating scene.

When you’re not quite sure if you’re together and even less certain that he’s the one, it’s tempting to see what else is out there.

But there’s a fine line between keeping an eye out and cheating—you don’t even necessarily have to kiss someone to betray your partner. We’re not going to spell it out, because sometimes you can have drunken makeouts that do less damage than a heart-to-heart.

The problem with cheating is not less that it hurts your partner, and more that it’s bad for you.

The difference between a cheater and someone who’s just found someone else, especially at our age, is that the cheater often still cares about the boyfriend she dicks over. If she were really just bored and ready to move on, she’d break things off, but she doesn’t, because she’s not.

This creates a situation where the cheater is consistently lying to one of the people in her life that she cares about the most. And this is going to fuck with you more in the long run.

When your closest relationships are mired by lies and deception, they start to be less fulfilling for you. You hate yourself for what you’re doing, the other person has no idea, and it just spirals downwards.

But cheating is often so easy to justify. You blame it on the other person’s busy work schedule, his snoring, whatever. It’s never about you.

But if you stop to think about it, you’re probably cheating to fill a void you feel your relationship. Maybe you feel like he’s not paying attention to you. Or you’re worried he won’t stick around and you feel like you’re hedging your bets.

It’s important to evaluate these concerns. Is he really neglecting you to the point that you always feel shitty? Or are your expectations unrealistic in light of a 60-hour workweek? Do you two seem to be drifting apart? Is the relationship salvageable?

Once you’ve figured it out, it’s time to take action. We’re not saying you should tell him, or even sit down and have a heart-to-heart. But you probably should either break up or stop cheating.

So many people think things will be different when they “find the one” or settle down. But if you only know how to be unfaithful in a relationship, how is the mere presence of one person going to undo a lifetime’s worth of bad habits?

To be clear: cheating is not a moral failure on your part. And though the guilt that comes with it often attaches itself to the person you’ve betrayed, the one who’s hurt most is the cheater.

Monogamous relationships are practice for when you do want to settle down. Even if you think you never will, at the very least, they encourage healthy, mutually beneficial interpersonal relationships. 

Unwelcome Blasts from Your Sexual Past

When it comes to exes, there’s always one type you’re almost guaranteed to hear from in the future: the ones you never really dated in the first place.

These are the guys that blew you off. They’re the ones you hooked up with on Halloween, the ones who took you out for a few dinners, the ones who kept canceling plans or forgetting to call you back, and the ones who, when you look back, you can’t quite remember how or why it ended.

They always try to reenter your life at the most inopportune moments. Maybe you’re seeing someone new, having a bad week, or looking for a new job, and suddenly there’s a text, an email, or, in the rarest of cases, a phone call that hijacks all your focus.

First things first: you’re allowed to feel smug. You’re holding proof that he thought about you at least once, and he’s given you the upper hand.

But that’s probably because he’s 99 percent sure you’re going to throw it away.

You can still gloat, but realize that he’s almost certainly not texting you because he’s realized the error of his ways. If he’s left a voicemail apologizing profusely and begging for another chance, that’s one thing, but if you just got a text that said, “what up”, don’t start picking out your wedding dress.

So what should you do?

Nothing.

The temptation is to bitch him out or brag about your new (and potentially nonexistent) boyfriend, but the second you do that, he’s holding the power and you’re feeling like shit.

We know: you don’t want to be rude. But chances are, he probably didn’t bother much with manners with you. And besides, you don’t owe him anything.

As soon as you say, “Sorry, I have a boyfriend,” you’re giving him the chance not to respond. And then you’ll be checking your phone every 5 minutes, making your friends text you to make sure your texts are working, until finally you can’t take the suspense and text him something really eloquent, like “????”.

But if you don’t respond, he’ll be the one squirming, wondering if you got his message, and why you’re not answering.

So let it go.

It’s tempting to use this whole one-sided-on-his-part exchange to help you move on. And chances are, it’ll make you feel at least a little better.

But realize that the most effective path forward shouldn’t involve him. If you can’t get over a guy until he shows a little more interest, you’re going to waste a lot of time waiting for revenge from guys who are updateable to begin with.

The less you can care about the whole thing, the better.

Monday News Roundup: Where Have The Good Men Gone?

The Wall Street Journal recently ran an article about why a good man is hard to find.

We’ll let that one sink in for a second.

The point is basically that young adults are settling down later and later and that women tend to be more mature than men of the same age.

Profundity aside, the article finds its way to a scary answer to the question it lays out in the title. Today’s young men, the article argues, are lazy, immature, and directionless because their female counterparts are too successful.

It's been an almost universal rule of civilization that girls became women simply by reaching physical maturity, but boys had to pass a test. They needed to demonstrate courage, physical prowess or mastery of the necessary skills. The goal was to prove their competence as protectors and providers. Today, however, with women moving ahead in our advanced economy, husbands and fathers are now optional, and the qualities of character men once needed to play their roles—fortitude, stoicism, courage, fidelity—are obsolete, even a little embarrassing.

This conclusion comes after the author spends half the article arguing that today’s middle-class, college educated men and women spend their 20s adrift, trying to find their lives’ callings. Men, she argues, get stuck because of things like Comedy Central, which appeal to their childish urges and prevent them from moving on.

Sure, there’s no female equivalent of Judd Apatow. But to argue that his movies are creating an ethos rather than reflecting one is a little far-fetched. Her argument, taken to its logical conclusion, seems to suggest that the only reason women aren’t investing in 40-foot bongs is that pop culture has yet to idolize the character of the lazy woman.

Somehow, we doubt that’s all there is to it.

It’s hard to argue that the average 26-year-old man is as serious and career-oriented as a woman of his age. But what does that mean for the women?

The WSJ doesn’t offer an answer. The most obvious would probably be to encourage women to date older men. But guys don’t have a magical settle-down hormone that kicks in when they hit 30. And even if they did, it’s not always easy to know what maturity looks like.

A lot of otherwise smart, career-oriented men love movies like Stepbrothers, despite the fact the “best” scene is no more (or less) than a pair of balls.

And there are some fratty bros who can talk your ear off about Cormac McCarthy in a way that makes it seem like they’ve got more figured out than they actually do.

The fact of the matter is, a guy isn’t going to “settle down” until he finds a woman who behaves in a way that makes him want to lock it down. And if we could teach you how to do that in one blog post, we’d be rich.

But maturity is more than just buying a ring. It’s about remembering to call and engaging in interesting conversation and maintaining friendships that don’t revolve around sex and/or partying. And these are things you can—and should—screen for.

A big indication, as much as we hate to say it, is how he spends his free time.

Guys who live for getting wasted on Friday and Saturday nights might be fun to be around, but they’re probably not as mature as the ones who get up for Sunday morning tennis lessons. And while there’s nothing wrong with the occasional Big Lebowski game, guys with daily drug habits probably have some growing up to do.

Excessive boys nights are a bad sign. Platonic female friends are a good one.

Part of it depends on where you are too. If you have a season pass to the Opera and he measures seasons in kickball, you’re probably on different developmental levels.

But the solution definitely isn’t for women to take a step backwards. It’s for us to keep an eye out for the men who have less growing up to do.

How to Be Sexy Part 2

Yesterday, we talked about ways to sex up your first impression. Today, we’re going to go over one simple tip for leaving a lasting impression on men: physical contact.

No one likes to have his personal space invaded, but a little strategic touching can amp up the sexual chemistry he feels whenever you’re in the room.

The key is subtlety. Don’t grab his crotch after you shake his hand. Start of slowly, and if you sense any discomfort, back off. If he pulls back, angles his body away from you, crosses his arms in front of him, or does anything else that seems designed to minimize physical contact, stop.

Start with his arm. When he says something funny, rest your hand on his forearm while you laugh, but pull it back as soon as you’re done. If you’re standing up and need to maneuver around him, put your hand on his back or shoulder to gently nudge him out of the way. If you’re introducing him to someone else, put your hand on his bicep when you say, “This is Mark.”

The goal is to work your way up to ONE thigh-grab towards the end of the night. But you can’t grab his upper leg, lower your voice, and say something like, “Wanna come back to my place?” You have to briefly rest your hand on his leg while saying something totally innocent and desexualized, like, “It was really great meeting you!” or “Let’s talk more about this next time.” Keep your tone naïve and earnest. Everything but the physical contact should be devoid of all sexual connotations. Don’t lean in close, arch your eyebrows, or pull out your best pouty face. Touch him for a second, and then pull back.

When it comes to touching, less is more, but the more physical contact you can make without his noticing, the more lasting the impression you’ll leave.

How to Be Sexy

It’s easy to stand in a mirror and criticize your looks. For the most part, you can’t change what you’re born with, and you only have to step outside to see women whose bone structures and skin seem proof that they won the ovarian lottery.

But sexual attraction often comes down to the difference between “hot” and “sexy.” A hot girl might have blonde hair, giant boobs, and a perfectly symmetrical face, but if she wears it all with bad posture and unflattering clothes, it’s going to negate a lot of what she has going for her. A sexy woman, on the other hand, might have a plain face, but she knows how to work it.

You can be hot without being sexy, and sexy without being hot. But, given the choice, most guys would pick sexy over Barbie.

Being sexy is, for the most part, intangible. It encompasses things like confidence and sexuality that are too complicated to spell out in a single blog post.

But there are things you can do to up your sexyness factor, no matter what you were born with.

The single most tangible factor that determines sex appeal is probably the body. This doesn’t mean an emaciated, skeletal frame buried in layers of baggy clothing, but it does mean a little bit of muscle definition in your legs and butt.

We’re not saying you all need to rush out and join a gym—it could be as simple as trying to use your legs as a method of transportation (walking and biking instead of taking the Metro) or taking a yoga class once a week. And, actually, the point of getting in shape is not to get down to your birth weight, but to give you more body confidence. Size matters a lot less than how you carry yourself—we’ve posted a million times about how guys can’t tell the difference between a size 2 and a size 6, and don’t care if you seem like you’re into it.

It’s also important to realize that curvy hips and thighs are like catnip to most guys. It’s probably a biological thing (it makes you look more fertile/better at bearing children). If you’ve got it, flaunt it with tight jeans (NOT leggings, which give even the most toned women camel toe) instead of covering it up with baggy sweaters.

Carry yourself well. That means good posture at all times—shoulders back, chin up, chest out. When you walk, let the movement emanate from your hips. Buy a good push-up bra, and wear it. Practice composure—don’t fidget with your fingers, bite your nails, or play with your hair.

When you’re shopping, opt for flattering clothes over trendy styles. Throw away your Uggs and invest in a good pair of heels you can actually walk in. The heel should be thin, not chunky, and if you’re really teetering, go for boots—they’re easier.

Skirts and dresses always make you look more feminine and hide the areas where unwanted fat tends to hang out (like your lower abdomen). A good pair of black tights will elongate your legs and make them look thin (as will the heels).

Start taking care of your skin. This means investing in high-quality cleanser, toner, and moisturizer—probably a step up from what you’d find at a drug store. Get someone you trust to pick out the best makeup for your coloring. Your friend who always looks naturally flawless is probably the best option—chances are, she’s wearing three layers of foundation. If none of your friends has an entire closet devoted to beauty products, go to a makeup counter at a department store. Avoid Sephora—the “cosmetic specialists” there seem to have minimal training and maximal interest in blue eye shadow.

Get up early and start actually getting dressed in the morning. Shave your legs—even if no one’s going to see them. Put on makeup and floss. Again, this is less about how you look and more about how you carry yourself when you know your legs are a smooth as a newborn baby’s.

At the end of the day, looking sexy is a lot of work, and for some people, it might not be worth the investment.

But if you’re with us so far, come back tomorrow (and the day after) for more tips on projecting a sensual, sexual persona. 

How to Give a Great Handjob

First of all, we’d like to apologize to our loyal readers for our recent hiatus. We’ve been doing some traveling, but hopefully we’re back to a more normal schedule now. And to all of our Chinese readers, 新年快乐！

The handjob is the oft-undervalued cousin of the blowjob, which, as we’ve discussed in a previous post, is not complete without a well-lubricated handjob.

Most women don’t give enough handjobs. When the going gets soft, most girls are apt to reach for the problem with their mouths, and when it’s time for the warm up, we give what we want to receive.

But a well-placed handjob can be just as good, if not better, than a blowjob—mainly because both parties are more apt to be really into it. Your hands last a lot longer than your mouth, and you don’t have to worry about gagging.

Handjobs are great for couples that like to spice things up in more public places. Pull him into a bathroom or an alley and give him a taste of what’s going to happen when he gets back to your place. But they’re also great for foreplay, waking him up on a Saturday morning, or getting him to run out and get you Chipotle.

The best handjobs come from the women who give them for a living—happy-ending masseuses. (They have, after all, had the most practice.) We surveyed the men we met on our vacation to figure out what they’re doing right—and what you might be missing.

1. Lubrication. We can’t stress this enough. Use saliva, lube, lotion—whatever you can to grease your palms. The point of handjobs (and blowjobs) is to recreate the sensations of a warm, wet vagina, and dry hands will only hold you back in that department. The more lube, the better.

2. Consistency. A classic handjob mistake is rushing out of the gate. When you start pumping at 50 mph, you’re going to lose momentum after a few minutes. When you’re giving a handjob, you never want to loose speed. It’s a huge letdown for the guy, and if you have to stop, you’re basically restarting from scratch. It’s better to start slow and gradually accelerate. You actually don’t need to speed up until he’s about to come—it’s more important to maintain a consistent speed throughout. So start with something you can sustain, and amp it up at the end.

3. Firm grip. Your grip should be as tight as possible while still allowing you to move up and down the shaft. Squeeze his penis extra hard at the bottom. You’re creating a seal, and it should be as tight as possible. Don’t worry about hurting him—if it’s too much, he’ll tell you.

4. Build up to it. If you go straight into it, it won’t be as rewarding as if you create anticipation. For most guys, the inner thighs are particularly sensitive. Trace the inside of his legs with your tongue or fingers. Gently stroke the balls and taint. Don’t go on for too long, but the more you keep him guessing, the better.

5. Do things he can’t do to himself. Push his balls up between his shaft—take his balls in the heel of your palm with the tips of your fingers facing up. Gently push upwards so that his balls straddle his penis. Stroke his balls with the tips of your fingers. Rotate your grip so that your fingers are on the front of his shaft. Cup your hand and place it over the head of his penis so that when you’re thrusting up, it hits your palm—it recreates the sensation of hitting the tightest, deepest part of your vagina.

6. Aim carefully. Most guys don’t enjoy coming all over themselves, so when he’s about to blow, aim out. Don’t let him come all over his stomach, and minimize the amount of semen on his body. If you’re into it, tell him to come on your face—it’s not as bad as it sounds, it’s pretty easy to clean up, and it’ll be a huge turn-on for him.

Send Us Your Dating Horror Stories

It's almost that time of year (i.e., Valentine's Day), and we'd like to get a head start on Gawker by collecting your dating horror stories. In the name of catharsis, send your pick-up lines, walks of shame, and bad decisions to datethedistrict@gmail.com--best ones get thrown up on the blog throughout the month.

To get you started, we're setting the bar high with this story from Hey Lady.

And if you're more in the mood for happy endings, don't forget to send in your matchmaking profiles.

Don't Put Too Much Stock in a Profile Picture

Online dating profiles are hotbeds of superficiality.

The whole page revolves around the photos, and even the most open-minded users usually check the physical appearance before they read any text.

This kind of browsing doesn’t make you a bad person—after all, attraction/chemistry/whatever you want to call it is mostly physical.

But it does create problems.

To understand how, think about how “real world” dating works. You meet a guy at a party, or a bar, or the bank, and here’s what you know about him: what he looks like.

How many times have you found yourself 30 minutes into an amazing conversation when a guy casually mentions his girlfriend? Or what about the guys you go out with four or five times before you realize your religious differences/educational backgrounds/grooming habits make you totally incompatible?

Attractive people can be intoxicating, and there’s nothing like making out with a guy you could’ve sworn had a bit role on The OC.

But in the moment, isn’t it just like kissing anyone else? And more of a self-esteem boost/story to tell your friends than a wildly passionate encounter?

Judging potential partners on looks alone has a time and place. But if that time and place is OKCupid, you’re kind of missing out on the advantages that belong exclusively to the cyber world of romance.

The whole point of these sites is that you know, before you even message back, that SustekStaffer27 is purportedly single (and if he’s taken, so sociopathic about hiding it that you wouldn’t fare any better if you met him at a happy hour), that he shares some of your outlooks on life (i.e., has aspirations beyond getting drunk, tan, and/or laid), and that his interests could be compatible with yours. You don’t have to go on three awkward dates before you realize that he only likes to play video games in his free time, and you get to see answers to questions you could never get away with asking early on (e.g., where he sees himself in 10 years, whether he wants to get married, how old he is).

That’s not to say that you can’t write some people off based on what they look like. There are some people you’ll just never be attracted to—maybe your first boyfriend had hazel eyes and traumatic headgear, and you always associate blue/green irises with the time your braces got stuck together.

If you find someone physically repulsing,  you might be fighting an uphill battle if you try to let his personality make up for it.

But if he looks great on paper and his picture only elicits a, “meh,” don’t be so quick to write him off completely.

It’s amazing how quickly you can become attracted to someone who didn’t knock you off your feet the first time you saw him. A funny, charming persona can be much more seductive than those mile-deep blue eyes. And on the flip side, anyone can get used to beauty, and the more time you spend with a physical trainer, the more ordinary he starts to look.

That’s not to say that you should spend your days pining over every profile you come across, or messaging guys you’re not immediately attracted to. But if a guy messages you, try to read his profile before checking out the pictures. And if the words line up, but the photos leave something to be desired, remind yourself what you’re looking for.

If you’re not looking for more than a few hookups, by all means, weight the photos. But if you’re looking for a successful relationship, consider giving guy who looks good on paper a chance.

Online Dating Deathmatch: OK Cupid vs. Match.com Vs. eHarmony

When you decide to take the plunge into online dating, you’ve already made a big and sometimes difficult decision. You have to get over that knee-jerk reaction most people have to the idea of meeting a soul mate online, but now you an even bigger conundrum: which site do you choose?

Today, we’re going to talk about the Big 3  sites in DC (OKCupid, Match, and eHarmony) and how you should go about exploring the world of cyber romance.

First, the basics: OKCupid is a free site that reminds a lot of people of Facebook. It feels targeted at a younger crowd, and the quizzes can be as addictive and time-consuming as Farmville.  The profile is more structured—users answer specific questions, like “What are 6 things you couldn’t live without?” and tries to get users to post more information than “Who are you? What do you do for a living? What are you looking for?” Users can “wink” (which no one seems to do) or message when they see a profile they like. There’s also an option to chat via instant messenger. 

Match is a paid subscription service, although you can do some things without paying. The profile isn’t as slick as OK Cupid and tends to be more open-ended. You get a lot of “About me” responses that are pretty vague and some variation on, “I enjoy long walks on the beach and am looking for someone to share my life with.” The communication is similar to OK Cupid—when you see someone you like, you initiate a conversation.

eHarmony is another paid site that’s definitely targeted at the older, more serious crowd. The profile is more structured with OKCupid-like “quirky” questions, but eHarmony distinguishes itself with its communication process. When you like someone, you don’t just message them—you can send an “Icebreaker” that says something cheesy like “I like your smile,” or you can send him a message. The difference is that eHarmony pushes users to use a guided communication process, which makes users send and answers questions like “What books have you read recently?” before you can send an open-ended, unstructured messages.  You do have the option of sending a say-anything message right off the bat, but the user has the option of rejecting it and pursing guided communication.

Before we get into the pros and cons of each site, we’d recommend that beginners sign up for all three and see which they like best. OKCupid is free, and Match usually has a free trial period. eHarmony lets you create a profile for free, but you can’t see pictures or message anyone unless you pay, although they do “open communication” weekends where you can message without a subscription. Match and eHarmony also usually have money-back guarantees, where you can cancel in the first two weeks and get your money fully refunded. If you sign up for a shorter period, or cancel within the trial period, you’ll probably get an offer to resubscribe at a much lower rate.

But here’s our take on the offerings in the DC area.

OKCupid seems to be the best bet for the recent grads, students, and “young professionals.” Because it’s free, it tends to attract people who just want to test the waters of online dating, and you’re probably going to get a wide range of atypical users (Match and eHarmony seemed to have a lot of overlap, but OKCupid seemed to have more users who weren’t singed up for the paid subscription sites). Basically, it seems like a younger crowd who would prefer to meet dates in “real life” (e.g., in bars) but got sick of trying to meet Mr. Right in AdMo.

OKCupid claims to have a scientific method for creating matches. There are basically just a bunch of questions on a wide range of topics (from religion to education to math problems) and you select your own answer to the questions, answers that would be acceptable for a partner to answer, and how important the topic is to you. They use this to match you up with people, sometimes to varying results, but you do get a chance to see, for example, how important religion is to FaulknerHottie222.

In our experience, Match is to OKCupid what MySpace is to Facebook. That comparison might not be totally fair, but you do see more users who seem to fit the stereotype of online dating (e.g., shirtless guys, creepy messages). The selection might be better for older users who might be turned off by the “personality quizzes” and other more juvenile features OK Cupid offers. The matching feels a little more arbitrary, probably because they’re matching you based on a public profile (on OKCupid, you can choose to keep your answers to the matching questions confidential). People might therefore be more likely to exaggerate answers and paint more flattering pictures of themselves. Because Match matches people based on an idealized description of who they are and what they’re looking for, some of your “100 percent” matches might be people you wouldn’t go out with on a dare.

We say this all the time, but paid subscriptions do not mean better results. If anything, paid users have made an investment, and they’re looking to get something out of it, which might mean more aggressive messages, a push to meet in person faster, etc. More “serious” users might be people who’ve had so much trouble with “traditional” dating that they’re willing to drop cash for something that works. That doesn’t mean that all subscription users are desperate, weird, or creepy—most probably aren’t—but there does seem to be this misconception that the paid sites attract more desirable users.

eHarmony was our least favorite site, mainly because the barriers to entry seem unnecessarily high (you have to spend about 2 hours filling out really long surveys before you can see your matches), and there are so many roadblocks to communication. It might seem like sending a message with something along the lines of “What’s your favorite book” would lead to more substantive conversations, but sometimes it pulls you into extended communication with someone who might have revealed his true colors if he sent you an initial message that said something like, “I like to take care of my body and hope you do too.”

The OKCupid-style questionnaire might lead to better matches, but it’s so hard to actually talk to anyone that we ended up giving up because we couldn’t take the frustration.

Again, it might be better for an older crowd (and that doesn’t mean super-mature 23-year-olds—it means people who are looking to date a 40-something), but it seemed pretty tedious when a 20-something can find (and communicate with) plenty of matches on the other two sites.