How to Give a Great Handjob

First of all, we’d like to apologize to our loyal readers for our recent hiatus. We’ve been doing some traveling, but hopefully we’re back to a more normal schedule now. And to all of our Chinese readers, 新年快乐！

The handjob is the oft-undervalued cousin of the blowjob, which, as we’ve discussed in a previous post, is not complete without a well-lubricated handjob.

Most women don’t give enough handjobs. When the going gets soft, most girls are apt to reach for the problem with their mouths, and when it’s time for the warm up, we give what we want to receive.

But a well-placed handjob can be just as good, if not better, than a blowjob—mainly because both parties are more apt to be really into it. Your hands last a lot longer than your mouth, and you don’t have to worry about gagging.

Handjobs are great for couples that like to spice things up in more public places. Pull him into a bathroom or an alley and give him a taste of what’s going to happen when he gets back to your place. But they’re also great for foreplay, waking him up on a Saturday morning, or getting him to run out and get you Chipotle.

The best handjobs come from the women who give them for a living—happy-ending masseuses. (They have, after all, had the most practice.) We surveyed the men we met on our vacation to figure out what they’re doing right—and what you might be missing.

1. Lubrication. We can’t stress this enough. Use saliva, lube, lotion—whatever you can to grease your palms. The point of handjobs (and blowjobs) is to recreate the sensations of a warm, wet vagina, and dry hands will only hold you back in that department. The more lube, the better.

2. Consistency. A classic handjob mistake is rushing out of the gate. When you start pumping at 50 mph, you’re going to lose momentum after a few minutes. When you’re giving a handjob, you never want to loose speed. It’s a huge letdown for the guy, and if you have to stop, you’re basically restarting from scratch. It’s better to start slow and gradually accelerate. You actually don’t need to speed up until he’s about to come—it’s more important to maintain a consistent speed throughout. So start with something you can sustain, and amp it up at the end.

3. Firm grip. Your grip should be as tight as possible while still allowing you to move up and down the shaft. Squeeze his penis extra hard at the bottom. You’re creating a seal, and it should be as tight as possible. Don’t worry about hurting him—if it’s too much, he’ll tell you.

4. Build up to it. If you go straight into it, it won’t be as rewarding as if you create anticipation. For most guys, the inner thighs are particularly sensitive. Trace the inside of his legs with your tongue or fingers. Gently stroke the balls and taint. Don’t go on for too long, but the more you keep him guessing, the better.

5. Do things he can’t do to himself. Push his balls up between his shaft—take his balls in the heel of your palm with the tips of your fingers facing up. Gently push upwards so that his balls straddle his penis. Stroke his balls with the tips of your fingers. Rotate your grip so that your fingers are on the front of his shaft. Cup your hand and place it over the head of his penis so that when you’re thrusting up, it hits your palm—it recreates the sensation of hitting the tightest, deepest part of your vagina.

6. Aim carefully. Most guys don’t enjoy coming all over themselves, so when he’s about to blow, aim out. Don’t let him come all over his stomach, and minimize the amount of semen on his body. If you’re into it, tell him to come on your face—it’s not as bad as it sounds, it’s pretty easy to clean up, and it’ll be a huge turn-on for him.

A Few Words on Lubrication

Our friend recently started dating a guy who’s much bigger than her previous boyfriends.

Sex becomes painful when she has it every day, but because they’re still in the bone-on-site stage of their relationship, she wasn’t quite sure what to do.

When we mentioned lube, she told us that they’d tried that. “He uses a lot of spit,” she explained.

“Well,” we said, “there’s your problem.”

Remember when you got chapped lips as a kid and your mom forbid you from licking them? It felt so good that you didn’t believe her when she said it’d hurt more later.

Saliva dries out your skin, which is why chapped lips get worse when you lick them. The same is true for your vagina. Spit might feel like a good lubricant when it’s wet, but when it dries, you loose moisture too.

That’s why it might be easy for him to get it in, but painful for you five minutes later.

If you’re having problems with lubrication, you should really invest in a gentle lube. Water-based lubricants, like KY jelly, are mild on the skin, and if you’re too embarrassed to ask a pharmacist to ring that up, baby oil works too (although the smell isn’t exactly sensual).

Be careful, though: any lubricants with added ingredients can irritate your skin, and you’re dealing with one of the most sensitive parts of your body. If you want to try something that promises any sort of “sensation” (e.g., warming sensation, extended pleasure), you might want to test it ahead of time. Rub a tiny bit on your vagina, and if it starts to burn, jump in the shower.

The bottom line is: most of us have a hard time accommodating large penises, and it takes a while to adjust to regular sex after a dry spell. The vagina is, after all, a muscle. Don’t be afraid to ask for lube, and don’t be shy about forbidding him from using saliva. It’s better for both of you in the long run.

Sex Tip of the Day: Mirrors

We’ve talked a lot about how guys get off from feeling sexually competent. But women aren’t immune to sexual narcissism, and it’s a lot easier for us to feed those cravings. We never have to worry about whether a guy faked an orgasm, and men generally approach sex with an abundance of enthusiasm, which is easy to credit to our own performance.

The fact is, the more confident you feel during sex, the better you’ll be in bed. Like we’ve said beforethe number one turn-on for guys is enthusiasm, and shyness/timidity don’t make you look eager.

One way to build confidence is to feed your inner narcissist. There’s a certain thrill that comes with watching yourself engage in intercourse, and it helps with body confidence too.

To start channeling your inner porn star, add a mirror.

If you’ve never tried this before, take baby steps. You don’t have to rearrange your bedroom, but angle your bed or open your closet door so that you can see your own reflection from certain spots on your bed.

If you’re nervous, set it up ahead of time. But if you want to make this even more of a turn-on, wait until you’re mid-coitus to say something like, “Hang on—I really wanna watch this.”

Don’t focus all your attention on the mirror. But sneak a peek every once in a while when you’re feeling super sexy.

Try getting on top and arching your back. A curved back makes you look ten pounds thinner, and no girl can resist a flattering angle.

If the reflection starts freaking you out, reposition yourself so you can’t see it. But try again a few minutes later. The more you’re able to enjoy the view, the harder it is for your inner critic to ruin the moment.

Don’t worry about any jiggling skin—this happens to everyone, even super models.

If you’re up for it, try watching porn ahead of time (Spankwire and Pornhub are good places for beginners to start). It’ll give you a good idea of what turns guys on, and you’ll see how close to “normal” that is (especially in terms of body fat).

The more you can enjoy watching yourself have sex, the easier it’ll be to convince guys that you’re great in bed.

How to Get Your Partner in the Mood

Our last two posts on directed erotic visualization brought up some obvious questions: if guys and girls require different erotic stimulation, how can you get your partner in the mood?

We had a conversation with one of our readers that provided a few insights.

If a girl wants to ramp up a guy’s sexual energy/desire, she has to stimulate him physically, but moderation is key.

OK, guys are almost always up for sex, and they’re better at making sure they achieve orgasm, so most of the work is done for you.

But if you are looking to up the ante (or perhaps convince a drowsy lover to forgo sleep for other activities), subtlety might actually be the key.

If you grab his dick and start attacking, he’ll have a pretty good idea of where things are going. And guys can be rough and aggressive when they’re stimulating themselves, so you’re just providing a new twist on an old game.

But if you gently kiss his neck or lick his nipples, you’ll have the element of surprise, and while he’ll probably still be able to see the future, you’ll catch him off guard and awaken his sensual side.

And, like we said yesterday, complimenting his penis size probably won’t hurt.

If a guy wants to get a girl in the mood, the key is relaxation.

One of our lesbian friends tells us that she always tells girls to relax before she starts going down on them.

You need to make her feel like it’s all about her, and make sure she’s totally comfortable.

Remember that scene in Cruel Intentions where Ryan Phillippe goes down on a virginal Selma Blair?

He’s debonair and sophisticated. There’s no doubt in anyone’s mind that he knows what he’s doing (even if he is, in fact, hopelessly lost). He takes control of the situation and makes Cecile’s pleasure his number one priority.

Guys could learn a thing or two from the incestuous young Sebastian (and we’re not talking the lesson in sequels being universally awful).

First, take control of the situation. Even if you’re so nervous that you want to vomit, don’t let on. Pretend like you know exactly what you’re doing (don’t go so far as to say that you’ve done this a million times, but you get the picture). If you make a mistake (like, say, your shirt gets stuck on your neck when you’re taking it off), brush it off and pretend that it was intentional (i.e., don’t apologize or awkwardly laugh).

Then get right to business. Make it all about her. Start kissing her all over her body. Take things slowly—very slowly. Don’t jump to her vagina until you’ve spend a few solid minutes warming up the rest of her body. Remember, because female orgasm is less tied to vaginal stimulation, you don’t need to make it the center of attention.

If you don’t, in fact, know what you’re doing, phrase it in a different way. Instead of admitting that you’re lost, say something like, “Does that feel good?” or “Do you like that?” or “Tell me what feels great,” and follow her lead.

Finally, keep telling her to relax. Spend a lot of time on foreplay so her imagination can run wild before penetration.

You can’t get inside her mind, but you can help her get to the mental state that makes orgasm possible.

Comparing Male and Female Directed Erotic Visualization

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