How to Give a Great Handjob

First of all, we’d like to apologize to our loyal readers for our recent hiatus. We’ve been doing some traveling, but hopefully we’re back to a more normal schedule now. And to all of our Chinese readers, 新年快乐！

The handjob is the oft-undervalued cousin of the blowjob, which, as we’ve discussed in a previous post, is not complete without a well-lubricated handjob.

Most women don’t give enough handjobs. When the going gets soft, most girls are apt to reach for the problem with their mouths, and when it’s time for the warm up, we give what we want to receive.

But a well-placed handjob can be just as good, if not better, than a blowjob—mainly because both parties are more apt to be really into it. Your hands last a lot longer than your mouth, and you don’t have to worry about gagging.

Handjobs are great for couples that like to spice things up in more public places. Pull him into a bathroom or an alley and give him a taste of what’s going to happen when he gets back to your place. But they’re also great for foreplay, waking him up on a Saturday morning, or getting him to run out and get you Chipotle.

The best handjobs come from the women who give them for a living—happy-ending masseuses. (They have, after all, had the most practice.) We surveyed the men we met on our vacation to figure out what they’re doing right—and what you might be missing.

1. Lubrication. We can’t stress this enough. Use saliva, lube, lotion—whatever you can to grease your palms. The point of handjobs (and blowjobs) is to recreate the sensations of a warm, wet vagina, and dry hands will only hold you back in that department. The more lube, the better.

2. Consistency. A classic handjob mistake is rushing out of the gate. When you start pumping at 50 mph, you’re going to lose momentum after a few minutes. When you’re giving a handjob, you never want to loose speed. It’s a huge letdown for the guy, and if you have to stop, you’re basically restarting from scratch. It’s better to start slow and gradually accelerate. You actually don’t need to speed up until he’s about to come—it’s more important to maintain a consistent speed throughout. So start with something you can sustain, and amp it up at the end.

3. Firm grip. Your grip should be as tight as possible while still allowing you to move up and down the shaft. Squeeze his penis extra hard at the bottom. You’re creating a seal, and it should be as tight as possible. Don’t worry about hurting him—if it’s too much, he’ll tell you.

4. Build up to it. If you go straight into it, it won’t be as rewarding as if you create anticipation. For most guys, the inner thighs are particularly sensitive. Trace the inside of his legs with your tongue or fingers. Gently stroke the balls and taint. Don’t go on for too long, but the more you keep him guessing, the better.

5. Do things he can’t do to himself. Push his balls up between his shaft—take his balls in the heel of your palm with the tips of your fingers facing up. Gently push upwards so that his balls straddle his penis. Stroke his balls with the tips of your fingers. Rotate your grip so that your fingers are on the front of his shaft. Cup your hand and place it over the head of his penis so that when you’re thrusting up, it hits your palm—it recreates the sensation of hitting the tightest, deepest part of your vagina.

6. Aim carefully. Most guys don’t enjoy coming all over themselves, so when he’s about to blow, aim out. Don’t let him come all over his stomach, and minimize the amount of semen on his body. If you’re into it, tell him to come on your face—it’s not as bad as it sounds, it’s pretty easy to clean up, and it’ll be a huge turn-on for him.

Role-Playing 102

Yesterday, we talked about why and how you should add role-playing to your sexual repertoire.

But it can be hard, at first, to come up with scenarios that don’t include the phrase, “I’m here to fix the cable.”

It’s really only a matter of advanced planning. If you decide you want to role-play, come up with a few scenarios ahead of time (e.g., doctor’s office, student-on-professor) in case your first pick isn’t doing it for your partner.

In general, different things work for different people. If you want to reenact the Battle of Gettysburg, try it. If it’s not working, you can always just start having plain-vanilla sex.

But we would like to talk about two scenarios that seem to be very popular among women: virginity and rape.

Rape is serious. It’s a crime, and it’s wrong, and it’s a traumatizing, soul-shattering experience.

But human sexuality isn’t always as black and white as morality, and that gray zone leaves room for a lot of sexual fantasies people wouldn’t want to explore in real life.

A surprisingly large number of women have some combination of curiosity and fantasy when it comes to rape, and if you’re one of them, don’t beat yourself up about it. A rape fantasy is just that—fantasy, and when it’s in your mind it can still feel safe enough to romanticize.

If this is something you want to act out, you don’t have to feel guilty about it, but you definitely need to plan.

Simply put: if your role-play involves rape, you have to talk to your partner about it ahead of time. You need to have a safety word that has nothing to do with sex, because with this kind of role-play, stop doesn’t really mean no.

Make sure that you trust your partner and trust yourself—if it starts feeling wrong or upsetting, don’t be afraid to call it off. Above all, make sure you feel safe.

Don’t feel pressured to try this one out if you’re not comfortable—if your partner brings it up and you’re not having it, don’t be afraid to say so (and if your partner brings up a rape fantasy without realizing that it might make you uncomfortable, you might want to reevaluate your relationship).

The second scenario is decidedly less controversial, but it’s equally as prevalent and feels almost as taboo. Virgin and rape fantasies probably both stem from a desire to feel dominated, but, again, if you want to pretend that someone’s loosing his/her virginity, you should definitely talk about it ahead of time. Come up with a safety word and make sure he knows it’s coming—this definitely has the potential to get strange if one party isn’t prepared.

The virgin fantasy can also be a great set of training wheels for a couple just starting to experiment with role-playing. It allows the women to assume an innocent, submissive persona that might feel much more natural to someone who’s not used to trying new things in the bedroom. It’s also somewhat familiar territory—if you’re having sex, you had to have lost your virginity at some point along the way.

The key to role-playing is to step outside of yourself. You might feel embarrassed telling your boyfriend that he’s been a naughty boy, but the camp counselor/nun/whatever doesn’t. And that’s the thing about role-playing: it’s not you saying or doing these things.

That gives you the freedom to go a little crazy, and that inhibition usually pays off. 

Role-Playing 101

Role-playing is a lot like vacation days and money from your parents: it’s hard to ask for.

Women worry that if they bring up, they’ll come off as sexually depraved, and men assume their suggests will be shot down.

But two groups of people stand to gain a lot from a little after-hours acting: couples looking to spice up their sex lives and women who feel shy and intimidated when it comes to sex.

The first group is pretty obvious: you can (usually) only have sex with someone so many times before it starts to get stale, and role-playing (and really any other sexual experimentation) is a great way to make it feel new again.

Women who are still figuring out how to embrace their sexuality, on the other hand, might not seem like the most likely candidates. But by allowing participants to assume another identity, role-playing lets otherwise timid women (and men) become characters who don’t feel so shy about what they want. So maybe Mary’s uncomfortable having sex in front of a mirror, but her school-girl alter ego isn’t.

So how do you bring it up with your partner? You have two options: you can either talk about it beforehand, or you can just… do it. Walk into the bedroom in a long white button up and say something like, “Are you ready for your checkup?”

Or wait until you’re nakedly grinding all over him and say, “Hey, can we pretend that I’m a teacher, and you’re my misbehaving student?” Once someone’s turned on, almost everything seems like a good idea, and when he’s in that mindset, he’ll be much more likely to go along with it.

Role-playing is one of those things that most people really get in to once they’re there.

So what should you act out? Check back tomorrow for some suggestions.

A Few Words on Lubrication

Our friend recently started dating a guy who’s much bigger than her previous boyfriends.

Sex becomes painful when she has it every day, but because they’re still in the bone-on-site stage of their relationship, she wasn’t quite sure what to do.

When we mentioned lube, she told us that they’d tried that. “He uses a lot of spit,” she explained.

“Well,” we said, “there’s your problem.”

Remember when you got chapped lips as a kid and your mom forbid you from licking them? It felt so good that you didn’t believe her when she said it’d hurt more later.

Saliva dries out your skin, which is why chapped lips get worse when you lick them. The same is true for your vagina. Spit might feel like a good lubricant when it’s wet, but when it dries, you loose moisture too.

That’s why it might be easy for him to get it in, but painful for you five minutes later.

If you’re having problems with lubrication, you should really invest in a gentle lube. Water-based lubricants, like KY jelly, are mild on the skin, and if you’re too embarrassed to ask a pharmacist to ring that up, baby oil works too (although the smell isn’t exactly sensual).

Be careful, though: any lubricants with added ingredients can irritate your skin, and you’re dealing with one of the most sensitive parts of your body. If you want to try something that promises any sort of “sensation” (e.g., warming sensation, extended pleasure), you might want to test it ahead of time. Rub a tiny bit on your vagina, and if it starts to burn, jump in the shower.

The bottom line is: most of us have a hard time accommodating large penises, and it takes a while to adjust to regular sex after a dry spell. The vagina is, after all, a muscle. Don’t be afraid to ask for lube, and don’t be shy about forbidding him from using saliva. It’s better for both of you in the long run.

Sex Tip of the Day: Mirrors

We’ve talked a lot about how guys get off from feeling sexually competent. But women aren’t immune to sexual narcissism, and it’s a lot easier for us to feed those cravings. We never have to worry about whether a guy faked an orgasm, and men generally approach sex with an abundance of enthusiasm, which is easy to credit to our own performance.

The fact is, the more confident you feel during sex, the better you’ll be in bed. Like we’ve said beforethe number one turn-on for guys is enthusiasm, and shyness/timidity don’t make you look eager.

One way to build confidence is to feed your inner narcissist. There’s a certain thrill that comes with watching yourself engage in intercourse, and it helps with body confidence too.

To start channeling your inner porn star, add a mirror.

If you’ve never tried this before, take baby steps. You don’t have to rearrange your bedroom, but angle your bed or open your closet door so that you can see your own reflection from certain spots on your bed.

If you’re nervous, set it up ahead of time. But if you want to make this even more of a turn-on, wait until you’re mid-coitus to say something like, “Hang on—I really wanna watch this.”

Don’t focus all your attention on the mirror. But sneak a peek every once in a while when you’re feeling super sexy.

Try getting on top and arching your back. A curved back makes you look ten pounds thinner, and no girl can resist a flattering angle.

If the reflection starts freaking you out, reposition yourself so you can’t see it. But try again a few minutes later. The more you’re able to enjoy the view, the harder it is for your inner critic to ruin the moment.

Don’t worry about any jiggling skin—this happens to everyone, even super models.

If you’re up for it, try watching porn ahead of time (Spankwire and Pornhub are good places for beginners to start). It’ll give you a good idea of what turns guys on, and you’ll see how close to “normal” that is (especially in terms of body fat).

The more you can enjoy watching yourself have sex, the easier it’ll be to convince guys that you’re great in bed.

How to Get Your Partner in the Mood

Our last two posts on directed erotic visualization brought up some obvious questions: if guys and girls require different erotic stimulation, how can you get your partner in the mood?

We had a conversation with one of our readers that provided a few insights.

If a girl wants to ramp up a guy’s sexual energy/desire, she has to stimulate him physically, but moderation is key.

OK, guys are almost always up for sex, and they’re better at making sure they achieve orgasm, so most of the work is done for you.

But if you are looking to up the ante (or perhaps convince a drowsy lover to forgo sleep for other activities), subtlety might actually be the key.

If you grab his dick and start attacking, he’ll have a pretty good idea of where things are going. And guys can be rough and aggressive when they’re stimulating themselves, so you’re just providing a new twist on an old game.

But if you gently kiss his neck or lick his nipples, you’ll have the element of surprise, and while he’ll probably still be able to see the future, you’ll catch him off guard and awaken his sensual side.

And, like we said yesterday, complimenting his penis size probably won’t hurt.

If a guy wants to get a girl in the mood, the key is relaxation.

One of our lesbian friends tells us that she always tells girls to relax before she starts going down on them.

You need to make her feel like it’s all about her, and make sure she’s totally comfortable.

Remember that scene in Cruel Intentions where Ryan Phillippe goes down on a virginal Selma Blair?

He’s debonair and sophisticated. There’s no doubt in anyone’s mind that he knows what he’s doing (even if he is, in fact, hopelessly lost). He takes control of the situation and makes Cecile’s pleasure his number one priority.

Guys could learn a thing or two from the incestuous young Sebastian (and we’re not talking the lesson in sequels being universally awful).

First, take control of the situation. Even if you’re so nervous that you want to vomit, don’t let on. Pretend like you know exactly what you’re doing (don’t go so far as to say that you’ve done this a million times, but you get the picture). If you make a mistake (like, say, your shirt gets stuck on your neck when you’re taking it off), brush it off and pretend that it was intentional (i.e., don’t apologize or awkwardly laugh).

Then get right to business. Make it all about her. Start kissing her all over her body. Take things slowly—very slowly. Don’t jump to her vagina until you’ve spend a few solid minutes warming up the rest of her body. Remember, because female orgasm is less tied to vaginal stimulation, you don’t need to make it the center of attention.

If you don’t, in fact, know what you’re doing, phrase it in a different way. Instead of admitting that you’re lost, say something like, “Does that feel good?” or “Do you like that?” or “Tell me what feels great,” and follow her lead.

Finally, keep telling her to relax. Spend a lot of time on foreplay so her imagination can run wild before penetration.

You can’t get inside her mind, but you can help her get to the mental state that makes orgasm possible.

Comparing Male and Female Directed Erotic Visualization

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Sex Tips for a Snowy Weekend

Well, DC readers, it looks like we’re all going to be snowed in this weekend. (And we’d like to take this opportunity to push our own picks for the snowstorm name: Snowbamanation and Snowfair—as in, it’s snowfair that it only snows on the weekend in DC.)

To make the boredom a little more bearable, we thought we’d give you some sex tips to help pass the time.

To get you off:

We’ve talked about this before, but clitoral stimulation is the most effective way to get off through intercourse.

But this is easier said than done, especially in the more vanilla sex positions (e.g., missionary, girl on top).

We already mentioned one position that stimulates your clit through penetration.

But if you’re more into guy-on-top, here’s another position you can try.

Let your guy get on top and get inside of you, then close your legs tightly. Have the guy move sideways so that his head’s to the left of yours and his feet are to the right of yours (or vice-versa). Your bodies should look like an X to a fly on the ceiling.

Then have the guy move forwards and backwards slowly, instead of the more traditional in-and-out motion. The key is to stimulate your clit, not to get as deep inside of you as he can. This one can take some time to adjust, but once you get it right, there’s a lot of clitoral contact.

To get him off:

Variety adds spice to any sex life, and the more unexpected and original you can make it, the better.

Getting naked and jumping in to bed is great, but it’s pretty standard, as far as sex goes.

To drive him wild, try imitating action in an unexpected locale—the living room, the kitchen, the basement. Don’t say, “I have a surprise for you waiting downstairs.” Instead, take him downstairs, and ask him to help you carry out the trash. Wait until you’re in the middle of something, and then grab him like you couldn’t control yourself. Don’t take off your clothes—instead, move them to the side, and only remove what’s absolutely necessary.

Another thing that seems to really get guys off: answering your phone during sex. It sounds weird, but try this:

The next time your phone rings, get on all fours and tell him you have to take it. But let him do you from behind while you’re talking. Don’t let the conversation go on for two long, but the naughty, subversive nature of your behavior will definitely turn him on.

Let us know how it goes at datethedistrict@gmail.com.

Survey the District: How to Enjoy Oral Sex

Dear Date the District,

I find that I am one of the only ones of my friends who does not thoroughly enjoy receiving it. The only thing that goes through my mind is "Wow, vaginas must be so incredibly disgusting. I feel bad that he's doing this." And of course, every girl's worst nightmare is being the girl with the smelly vag and not knowing it (I have a lot of guy friends, and they would include me in conversations about girls they've slept with and go into incredible detail about such things). I also hear from guy friends that they do not equate eating a girl out to receiving head, even though both are oral sex. Is it something you shouldn't expect to get until you're in a relationship (versus guys who get blowjobs from just about anyone)?

The first thing you should know is, most guys do enjoy going down on girls.

They might talk about smelly vags in front of their guy friends, but they’ll also lie about things like enjoying The Notebook in front of their peers.

Guys like watching you get off. They like watching you get horny and turned on, and they like doing things that’ll make you more enthusiastic about sex. Oral sex might not be every guy’s favorite pastime, but, in general, guys like giving oral sex a lot more than girls do.

If you’re really worried about smell, though, one of our friends swears by vaginal wipes. It sounds weird, but you can buy them at most drugstores and keep a few in your purse. When things seem like they’re headed in that direction, excuse yourself to the bathroom and freshen up. You don’t want to do this right before he goes down on you (you don’t want to taste like hand sanitizer), but if you use one in advance of the main event, you won’t be so worried about how you taste.

Shaving/waxing your pubic hair also goes a long way in the taste/smell/general appeal department. A hairless vagina looks, smells, and tastes cleaner, and it’s easier for guys to navigate.

But we bring up this vaginal maintenance, not for the sake of the guy, but for you. Because the first thing you need to do to be able to enjoy oral sex is relax. If you’re worried about grossing him out, you definitely won’t be able to enjoy yourself. So if grooming relieves some of these stresses, go for it.

Stop worrying about how he’s feeling, and instead focus on relaxing and turning yourself on. Think of it this way: penises aren’t always the cleanest/most beautiful organs, but that never stops girls from putting them in their mouths. It’s the same for guys.

Sometimes it helps to close your eyes and visualize something that arouses you. If you know how to get off with your fingers, get him to replicate those movements with this tongue. It’s not going to be exactly the same, so make sure to give him plenty of direction.

Be patient. It might take you a while to get used to the sensation, and it might take even longer for you to be able to enjoy it. Experiment with different angles/techniques. Sometimes if you put a pillow under your butt, the guy has better access to your sensitive spots. And oral sex is usually more effective when the guy spends a lot of time building up to it—kissing your inner thighs, teasing you, etc. But a lot of it’s going to involve working together—see Tuesday's post for more info.

On to the final part of your question: the guys who don’t equate going down on girls to receiving head are lazy. I’m sure we’d all love to get oral sex without giving it. But the fact is, oral sex is oral sex, no matter which gender it’s performed on.

It’s up to you to decide when you’re ready to initiate oral sex. But if you’re going down on a guy, he should be returning the favor—no matter what “stage” you’re at in the relationship.

Survey the District: How to Make Orgasms a Team Effort

Dear Date the District,

I read your post about how to climax/have good sex. While I think your take on this was helpful, I am relatively shy when it comes to speaking up about what I need in the bedroom. While I don't really have body-consciousness issues, I'm pretty self-conscious about the actual process of how things progress in the bedroom. Sadly, I have never achieved the "big O" with a guy before (I know I am capable of it because I've done it myself). For some reason, it just never gets there for me and I can't tell if I am the one with the issues or if it's whatever guy I'm with that doesn't know what he's doing. Either way, I feel totally weird about giving direction or taking direction. Advice on this? Do guys find it off-putting when a girl says "no, do it like this" to them??

No—in fact, it’s a major turn on!

The female body is a huge mystery to most guys. The male reproductive system is a little more straightforward—the target zone is a lot bigger, for one thing.

So a lot of guys have no clue what they’re doing and feel a little lost every time they’re confronted with a vagina. When they’re not 100 percent sure what to do, they start to worry that they’re doing something wrong, which detracts from their ability to enjoy the task at hand.

When you tell them what to do, they don’t have to worry about getting you off. They can follow your instructions and focus on the pleasurable sensations instead of worrying about getting everything right.

Like we’ve said before, guys get off on driving you wild. They can have an orgasm without having sex, and watching you get hot and bothered is a huge ego boost that’s hard to replicate outside of the bedroom.

It doesn’t matter if you had to lead the way—if you can come, they’ll be happy to take all the credit.

If you feel shy about telling a guy exactly what you want, spin it in a positive light. If he’s licking your bellybutton and seems to think he’s found the clitoris, you don’t have to say, “That’s not really working for me.” Instead, you can say, “You know, it feels really good when you do this,” and then take his hand to the right spot. Guide his fingers for the first few seconds, and then let him know when he gets it right. Soft moaning or words of encouragement will do the trick.

Attitude is everything when it comes to sex. Guys love it when girls take the lead, but you can pretty much get away with whatever you want if you act like what you’re doing is perfectly normal.

When guys have sex, they’re more worried about whether or not they’re doing something wrong. They don’t have enough energy left over to watch you with a critical eye, so if you project confidence, they’ll assume that you know what you’re doing.

Sometimes you really have to force yourself to take the plunge to see how this works though. If you’re too shy to ask him to do something outright, move his hand. When you see how willingly he follows your direction, that might give you the confidence you need to deliver verbal instruction.

But sometimes you just have to get over your shyness. It can help to disassociate from yourself. Pretend you’re playing a porn star in a Larry Flint special. In pornos, the women don’t lay there and hope he gets it right. Depending on the genre, they’ll nag, yell, boss, and generally take command.

Or try taking deep breaths and relaxing. The more comfortable you feel, the easier it’ll be for you to release some inhibitions.

But realize that coming isn’t as easy with a guy as it is when you’re by yourself. And the fact that you haven’t come with a guy before is nobody’s fault. There’s nothing wrong with you—it just takes practice!

Be patient and don’t put too much pressure on yourself to have an orgasm when you’re with a guy. You might have some moves you can use to get yourself off, but a guy might not be able to replicate those exactly.

It might take some work and collaboration on both of your parts. But remember, most guys are eager to work with you to achieve climax—no matter how long it takes. It might feel weird for you to make adjustments every few minutes, but the guy is probably so eager to get you off that he won’t notice.

Survey the District: When the Big O Turns Into "Oh No!"

Valentine’s Day is just around the corner, and summer flings that turned into something more are close to hitting the 6-month mark (because let’s be honest, no one’s going out and meeting guys when it’s 30 degrees out).

This can be a confusing time of year for love, so this week will be devoted to readers’ questions. Need advice or looking for answers on sex, dating, or relationships? Shoot us an e-mail at datethedistrict@gmail.com

i don't O in every position, esp missionary and i TOTALLY don't mind.
i.e. i like the intimacy of it and it still feels really good but i
can tell he feels terrible when i don't O and no matter what i say he
still apologizes and thinks it's his fault. even if i Oed earlier in
the night on top, he still feels bad.

For guys, sex and orgasms go hand in hand. Guys usually can’t orgasm without having or simulating intercourse, so they see climax as the goal of every sexual encounter.

It’s different for girls. Girls get off on clitoral stimulation, something that’s hard to achieve from intercourse alone. For most girls, it’s easier to come when you take penetration out of the equation.

That doesn’t mean that intercourse doesn’t feel good, and it doesn’t mean that we don’t like doing it. But it does mean that we approach sex differently.

It’s great that you’re able to achieve climax from sex alone—not every girl can do that. But he might not realize what an accomplishment this is.

So spell it out for him. The next time he starts pouting post-coitus, give him a lesson in female anatomy. Explain that all girls have trouble reaching orgasm from sex alone, and explain that the fact you’re able to come even sometimes is really an accomplishment. Tell him that it still feels good, but explain that, when he gets all huffy when you don’t come, it’s a major turnoff.

When he obsesses over your ability to climax, it probably puts pressure on you and makes it harder to come. So don’t phrase it as a “Don’t feel bad” thing, pitch it as something that’s keeping you from enjoying yourself and therefore making him a bad lover.

Guys want to feel like they’re the best you’ve ever had, and they’ll do anything to feel like a pleasure machine in bed. So say something like, “Look, sex and coming are two different things for girls. If I really want to come that badly, I’ll masturbate. I like sex for different reasons, and it feels really good in a way that’s totally different from orgasming. It’s just the way sex works for girls, and if I didn’t love having sex with you, I wouldn’t be doing it. But when you freak out every time I don’t come, it’s a major turnoff, and if you want it to feel really good for me, you’ll stop talking about.”

And make sure he knows how much you’re enjoying yourself. Make noises, talk dirty, and show him that you’re really into it. An orgasm is just reassurance that he’s great in bed, and there are other ways to show him that he’s amazing between the sheets.

How to Give a Great Blowjob

Most girls hate giving blowjobs.

The process is so unpleasant that most try to finish as quickly as possible. But half-assed technique and an obvious lack of enthusiasm makes things take longer. So we’ve put together a quick and dirty how-to guide that’ll make your jaw happy.

1. Fake enthusiasm. When it comes to sex, enthusiasm goes a long way. Oral sex may not be your favorite pastime, but if he knows you’re hating it, it’s going to take him longer to get off. Make some noise. Your mouth may be full, but a few well-place grunts and moans will turn him on and ensure that he’s in the mood. Grab his penis while you’re making out and make him believe that you really want it. Keep playing with it while you remove your clothes. Make eye contact with him while you’re going down. Smile and bit your lip while you kiss your way down his chest. You don’t have to have a conversation with him about how much you love giving head, but if you act like you’re into it, he’ll get off fantasizing about how much you want him.

2. Tease him. A blowjob is most effective when it doesn’t seem like a sure thing. So save it for special occasions, and don’t dive right into it. This is one instance in which the naked makeout can actually be very effective. Grind up on him until he’s going crazy. Postpone it for as long as possible, until he starts doubting things and wondering whether or not he’ll actually get the blowjob tonight. And then slowly work your way down his torso, pausing to caress his pelvis and inner thighs with your tongue. Don’t take the whole thing in your mouth all at once. Spend a good minute working the shaft and surrounding area with your tongue and hands only.

3. Get a good base. Most girls assume that a good blowjob is basically a handjob with an oral topping. You don’t need to wrap your whole hand around the base: your first two fingers and thumb will do. Make a tight ring (like you’re making the “OK” sign with your thumb, index, and middle finger) and wrap it around the very bottom of his shaft. Let your ring finger and pinky finger splay out to the side so they don’t get in the way. For the most part, these base fingers don’t have to move—just make sure to maintain a tight grip. But every so often, gently move them slightly up and down the bottom part of the shaft. When a penis is erect, the skin can move independently of the rest of the shaft. When you’re sliding your fingers up and down the base, you want the skin to come with you. Don’t be too aggressive—the skin should move freely without any tugging.

4. Slow and steady wins the race. Bobbing your head up and down as fast as you can isn’t going to make him come any faster. If he starts pushing your head into jackhammer mode towards the end, that’s fine, but don’t start out at warp speed. Move slowly up and down the shaft, pressing your tongue firmly into the skin. Keep the suction tight, but make sure you’re not using too much teeth. You can pause to work your tongue on the tip (the most sensitive part of the penis), and every so often, stop moving your head all together and just move your tongue up and down the shaft while applying pressure.

5. Keep it lubricated. Don’t be afraid to use too much saliva. The wetter, the better (for the guy, anyway). Don’t spit on him or anything, but don’t worry about things getting too messy.

6. Man cannot come from blowjobs alone. One of the biggest pervading myths about blowjobs is that they’re the be-all, end-all of getting off. And while most guys say there’s nothing like a well-delivered blowjob, it works best when paired with other sexual activities. Make sure to employ the naked makeout. Stop every so often to gently (and we mean gently) lick or suck on his balls. If your mouth gets tired, stop and give him a quick hand job. The mid-blowjob well lubricated hand job is actually one of the best parts of getting head, according to some guys we talked to for this article. If you keep mixing it up, he’ll get off faster.

A guy shouldn’t expect a blowjob every time he gets naked. Dole them out wisely—it’s quality over quantity. And the more effort you put into it, the less time you’ll have to spend actually doing it.

The Women's Guide to Being Good in Bed

When my friends and I first started having sex, we spent a lot of time trying to figure out how to be good in bed.

We learned about sex from Sex and the City, Cosmopolitan, and the occasional overly graphic movie we weren’t supposed to be watching. All three mediums presented sex as a competition that you could only win by being the best lover your partner ever had.

We weren’t quite sure how you were supposed to accomplish this. Was there a secret move, a certain thrust of the hips, that was the key to being a veritable vixen?

I have shamelessly asked countless male friends this very question, and it has gotten me a little closer to some kind of answer. Obviously sex is different for every person, but there are some things that most guys seem to like.

The guys I have talked to have overwhelmingly said that their most memorable partners have all one tiny, simple thing in common: they’re really enthusiastic in bed. That is, they're really into having sex.

They initiate it, they suggest trying new things, they seem uninhibited and they tell a guy exactly what to do to make them come.

Obviously there's a limit to this: Most guys would get a little freaked out if a girl pulled out a strap-on and told them to bend over the first or second time they had sex.

But, in general, guys have healthy sexual appetites, and they're looking for someone who is as hungry for an orgasm as they are.

Showing a guy that there’s nowhere else you'd rather be turns out to be the best move you can pull in bed.

How can you do this? The first step is body confidence.

A lot of girls feel insecure when they're naked. Our society teaches women to look at each other critically, to seek out the flaws and imperfections in each other's bodies.

Occasionally, women assume that men are doing the same thing. But men aren't wired like that, especially when a situation presents them with the potential for sex.

Their hormones kick in and the blood leaves their brains and heads south, leaving them with only one thought: "Naked girl - hot!"

The fashion world has also created an image that most girls I know aspire to: thin to the point of malnourishment, with hips as narrow as a 10-year-old boy's.

However, this picture is designed to intimidate every girl who can't fit into dolls' clothing, which makes it harder to get naked without feeling self-conscious.

Again, this is not what guys are thinking. If you flip through an issue of Playboy, you won't see any protruding ribs or skeletal arms. Instead, you'll see curvy hips, thick thighs and asses you could balance a dinner tray on.

Any guy is probably going to be turned on by whatever he finds under a girl's clothes, as long as she presents her body as something that should turn him on.

Act like you are really enjoying your body, even if you're feeling a little bloated. Don't hide under the sheets, and don't insist that he turn off all the lights before you even take off your shirt.

If you still feel a little self-conscious, imagine that you are an entirely different person, someone who can't wait to show off her naked body. Pretend you're acting in a sex scene in a movie.

What would your character do? Eventually, your persona's self-assuredness will translate into confidence in your own body.

Then keep the enthusiasm coming. This doesn't mean that you should fake anything, but sometimes when you try things that may at first seem a little out of character, you start to feel more comfortable and open up to new things.

Start with baby steps. Touch yourself. Let the guy watch. Initiate a blowjob.

Foreplay is your chance to let loose a little more. If something feels good, don't be afraid to moan or tell the guy how it feels.

Again, don't force anything. If something isn't working for you, do something about it. Move his hand or his head and point him in the right direction, or give him verbal instructions.

Guys already know they can get themselves off, so they're usually much more interested in trying to get you off too. Let yourself get really turned on.

When it comes to actual sex, some girls can be a little passive. They're content to let a guy get on top and do all the work, while they lie on their backs without making a sound.

If a guy is really into sex, and you're not, it's a buzz kill. This doesn't mean that you have to put your legs behind your head or twist yourself into a really awkward position, but your partner should know that you're having fun.

If something is not working for you, change positions. If you're having trouble climaxing, reach down and touch yourself.

You should be making noise not because you're forcing yourself to, but because you're genuinely into what you're doing.

You can also demonstrate your enthusiasm by trying new things. Dirty talk can be an easy thing to start with because you don't even need to bring it up ahead of time.

While you're having sex, start telling your partner how good he feels inside of you.

If he responds positively, take it further. Get graphic; use descriptive language (here's where college creative writing classes actually comes in handy).

Sometime when you're not having sex, you can also suggest trying different locations, role-playing, vibrators, sex toys, and whatever else sounds sexy to you.

In some ways, girls have it easy. All we have to do to be good in bed is have really intense orgasms.