Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Seeing Where It Goes

“I just want to see where it goes.”

We hear that a lot when our friends start seeing a new guy. And while it’s good not to get ahead of yourself, it’s always better to approach a relationship with a clear understanding of your own expectations.

Like we’ve talked about before, the words “boyfriend” and “relationship” are really vague, empty terms. When one girl says she wants guy X to be her boyfriend, she might just mean she wants to exclusively hook up. But when her best friend uses the same word, she could be talking about nightly sleepovers and conversations about what to name their kids.

So while it’s fine to “see where things go,” you better have a clear picture of what you want the final destination to be.

Otherwise, it’s easy to end up as just a friend (with benefits).

When you come up with your own definition of what you’re looking for, it’s easy to nip negative behavior in the bud. (We’ll talk about how tomorrow.) You’ll also be more motivated to make sure you get what you want.

If you’re just “seeing where things go,” you’re more likely to keep things casual. Who cares if he never invites you out on dates or only texts when he’s wasting? You’re just testing the waters.

Once you’ve established a pattern of late-night hookups and sketchy communication, it’s harder to transition into “In a Relationship” on Facebook.

So while it’s fine to take things slowly and get to know each other, make sure you set certain standards and boundaries. Don’t tell him about them, but if you know you’re not looking for 3 a.m. booty calls, it’s easier to ignore the text when it comes.