Friday, November 12, 2010

Conversing via SMS

A reader recently wrote in to ask us about ending a text message convo with a guy she’s interested in.

She and the guy exchanged numbers, and whenever one texts the other to see what’s good, they end up having an extended conversation via text message. For example:

Guy: What u up to tonite?
Girl: Think I’m gonna watch a movie and head to bed early, u?
Guy: Nice. What movie?
Girl: Not sure… have any suggestions?
Guy: Inception.
Girl: Already saw it.
Guy: O ya, what did u think?
Girl: It was OK but the plot didn’t really go anywhere.
Guy: Yeah, I thought it was aight. So what did u do today?
Girl: Just work
Guy: Niccce

The reader worries that this type of communication is too “awkward,” and she wants a way to nip it in the bud.

OK, so the guy she’s texting isn’t as bro-y as the one we imagined above, but the point is, this really isn’t an issue.

We agree that texting may be one of the worst things to happen to dating, but we don’t see this kind of conversation as particularly problematic.

Yes, it’s probably a waste of time, but it’s not screwing anything up, and if you don’t want to converse via SMS, just say so.

The next time you find yourself discussing the weather over BBM, say something like, “Ahhh OK I gotta run… ttyl!”

And if you are stuck in the middle of a texting discourse, don’t feel pressure to respond immediately. You’re not gaining anything by responding immediately, and besides, accessibility isn’t really a boon in the early stages.

But too much texting is just one of those things that’s easy to obsess about when you’re not sure where it’s going. But the medium isn’t as important as how you’re portraying yourself (which should be as a person with a busy, interesting life who doesn’t have time to have a 30-minute-break-between-texts back-and-forth).

If you don’t want to engage in textual conversations, don’t. But don’t worry about what this means, or if you’re scaring him away. Because for the first, you’ll never know, and the second, if you’re focusing on what you want instead of what you think will lure him into a relationship, you’re definitely on the right track.

1 comment:

  1. Actually, I think that's a pretty good conversation via text. He asked her what she was doing, he kept responding. Many of the more jaded among us would see the initial "what are you doing tonight" as the first stop to a booty call.

    Communicating via text isn't a problem at all - it's communication at least. But if you communicate only by text, then there's a problem. Most guys don't like talking on the phone.