In Defense of Games

We’ve had quite a few comments from readers who seem to object to the idea of playing games. If you’re looking for a nice guy, they argue, you don’t need to play games. Games only attract assholes, and they aren’t necessary if you meet the right guy.

Sometimes you do meet the right guy and everything happens just the way we assume it does in Twilight (sparkling pseudo-orgasms and all).

But most of the time, it doesn’t. And it’s not always because “he’s just not that into you,” and it’s never because all guys are assholes who are just looking to break the world record for one-night stands.

But it’s also not that surprising. When you meet someone new, you have your guard up. You invest a lot of time, money, and emotions in each relationship, and you’re not going to give just anyone the chance to waste those commodities. Before you date someone, you want to make sure he’s worth it.

So if you meet someone who seems clingy or needy or annoying or whatever, chances are, you’re not going to want to date him/her. If a girl decides a guy isn’t datable, she’s probably going to stop seeing him. But if a guy is somewhat attracted to a girl he doesn’t want to date, he’s more likely to try to turn her into a friend with benefits.

And that’s where games can help your case. It’s not so much about tricking someone into dating you as it showing him why he wants to date you.

If a guy likes you enough to go out of his way to pursue a hook up (and this doesn’t mean buying you drinks at a bar the night you meet him), there’s a good chance he likes you enough to date you. But sometimes you need to remind him why he wants a relationship.

If he can get you to cab to his apartment at 2 a.m. for a night of no-strings-attached sex, he might forget that you’re worth taking out to dinner and introducing to his friends. When you give up your time, energy, and body that easily, it seems like they’re not that valuable to you. And if they don’t seem valuable to you, he’s definitely not going to think they’re worth much. From his perspective, if you’re so desperate to be with him that you’ll take anything, even a post-coital kick-out, it’s probably because he's out of your league. And if you’re out of his league, he can do better.

On the other hand, if you wait to show your enthusiasm, if you don’t accept all of his invitations, and if you start out unavailable, he might think, “Wow, this girl is out of my league. I need to lock this down.” Or he’ll think, “Wow, this girl is popular.” (And, thanks to high school, we all know that perceived popularity increases your sex appeal.) In general, your time will seem more valuable to him (even economists know that scarcity increases demand), and the more valuable something is, the more people want it.

Playing games is about showing your calm, cool, and confident side, not your clingy, desperate, emotionally unstable side. Playing games is about showing him that he’s not the most important thing in your life, and it’s about proving that if he’s going to treat you like shit, you have better things to do with your time.

Let’s say a guy makes a mistake early on. Let’s say he genuinely forgets to return your call for one week. And, when he does return your call, he gives you some lame excuse.

Some girls think that the “grown up” thing to do is to have a conversation with him and say, “Look, I don’t play games. I don’t date guys who don’t return my calls.”

And that’s fine—as long as you stick to your word. But if you decide to have that conversation after you’ve gone to his house and given him a blowjob, he’s not going to believe you. He’s already pulled a dick move and gotten away with it. Why should he go out of his way to be a gentleman the next time?

Games aren’t going to work every time. If the guy is a jerk or just isn’t interested, games will probably drive him away. But why is that a bad thing?

You probably have a great guy friend who started dating a great girl and then stopped returning her calls. And, because he’s your friend, you know he’s a super nice guy. So why is he being such a dick with this girl?

Like we’ve said before, it’s all about chemistry, attraction, and making someone want you. And the more a guy can’t have you, the more he wants you. If you didn’t like our Christmas toy analogy, look it up in an Econ textbook. Scarcity increases demand. The more you withhold, the more he wants it.

When you go on a date, you want to make a good impression. You put on an outfit that makes you look hot, you spend an hour doing your hair, and you do your makeup five times before you get it right.

So why not give your personality a dating makeover and play a little hard to get while you’re getting to know each other? It’s just like putting on lipstick: you can stop wearing it when your relationship gets to that point.