Tuesday, October 12, 2010

The Hardest Part of Breaking Up Is Actually Doing It (Part II)

Second scenario: the blind date you went out with a few times

Or the guy who asked you out in Potbelly’s, the friend of a friend you met in Adams Morgan, whatever.

Unfortunately, you can’t take the e-asy way out, and you have to respond using whatever form of communication he used to contact you.

Again, wait until he asks you out again. There’s nothing more embarrassing than calling someone to say, “This isn’t working” and having him say, “I know… that’s why I never called you again.”

The good news is, if he sends you a text to propose dinner, you can respond in kind. The bad news is, if he calls you (or, even worse, leaves a voicemail), you have to respond in kind. (But don’t break up with him via voicemail—just leave him a message asking him to return your call.)

You can use the whole, “I’m not looking to get involved line” we talked about before. But here’s where we advocate being a little bit more straight-forward.

If you’re reading this blog, there’s a good chance that you’re still looking for “The One,” and there’s an even better chance that you’ve been devastated when a guy that you felt like you really hit it off with gives you the vague brush-off.

When you say, “I’m not looking for something right now,” you’re giving this guy hope for the future. And it’s a lot easy to get over someone when you don’t have any lingering mysteries to obsess over.

Say (or text) something like, “I had a lot of fun with you. You’re a really cool guy, and it’s so awesome that I finally met someone else who appreciates the genius of Born Rich! But I want to be honest with you: I don’t think this is going to work.”

If he asks why, or what he did wrong, or anything else (and if you’re on the phone, you can bet he will), spin it around. Say something like, “I just hate when you go out with someone and they kind of start blowing you off/playing games, so I just wanted to be up front. It’s not anything in particular, I just don’t like taking the easy way out when I know something’s not going to work.”

Most guys will probably be caught off-guard, and some will be grateful for your straightforwardness. In an ideal world, they might even thank you. But if we lived in an ideal world, we wouldn’t be writing this blog, and if he starts getting angry or defensive, say, “Look, I’m sorry if I upset you, but I need to go,” and get off the phone.

1 comment:

  1. okay, this post is actually really timely for me. i was wondering what the protocol was for someone you've only been out with a few times- had a feeling this was the way to go but glad to see it confirmed :)