We spent the last two days talking about bringing up other guys in the presence of a potential partner, and we’d be remiss if we didn’t talk about the other side of the issue: what to do if a guy brings up his ex/other girls in front of you.
It’s a little more cut and dry, but if you’re seeing a guy, and he brings up a girl, it’s generally pretty bad news.
Let’s say, for example, that the guy you’re dating casually mentions going to a club with his friends last weekend and the hot girls who are “all over him.”
This is totally disrespectful, and while you might think you’ll look cool and nonchalant if you don’t make a big deal of it, you’ll also look like you don’t have a lot of self-respect.
He might not be testing you, but your response does reveal how much he can get away with. Don’t laugh or play along or point out his total lack of manners—change the subject as quickly as you can, but, more importantly, unless he goes out of his way to make up for this gaffe, you should probably write this guy off.
When you first start seeing someone, it’s unrealistic to expect him to stop looking immediately. But when he goes out of his way to bring up his extra-curricular activities, he’s basically bragging about being an asshole, and if he’s doing that on the first or second date, you don’t wanna see what he’s like 6 months from now.
Ex-girlfriends are a different story. Yes, it’s tacky and bad manners to bring them up, especially in front of a new girl, but the intent is usually far from malicious in situations like this.
If a guy spent three years with a girl, he’s probably going to have a lot of anecdotes that start with, “My ex…”
And while you might be too savvy to make this mistake, he might honestly not realize there’s anything wrong with talking about a person who was a huge part of his life for a time.
If he’s bringing her up every five minutes or giving you the impression that he’s still totally in love with her, that’s one thing, but if he’s just mentioning her off-hand, you just need to take control of the conversation and remove her completely.
If he says, “Yeah, my ex turned me on to 30 Rock,” get off the topic of Liz Lemon immediately—say something like, “Yeah, did you hear about her lifetime achievement award thing at the Kennedy Center?”
Don’t let him get into a conversation about her—you don’t have to be rude or abrupt about it, and don’t say anything like, “Let’s not talk about your ex,” just ask him a question that takes the conversation in a totally different direction.
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