Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Heart Pounding? Stomach Fluttering? It's Not a Sign That You're Meant to Be...

You know those fluttery-stomach, heart-pounding sensations you get when the cute guy from your office smiles at you?

We dismiss those feelings as silly and insignificant, but we spend an awful lot of time chasing them, sometimes without realizing it.

Ever go out on a date with a guy who seems great on paper (cute, smart, funny), but then stop returning his calls because you didn’t feel a “spark?” Did you ever stop to think about what that spark feels like?

Some people call it chemistry, others call it lust, but it always feels the same: the giddy, light-headed, can’t-stop-giggling mood boost that lasts long after the date ends.

As good as it feels, we have some bad news: that “feeling” isn’t real.

And so many girls will end relationships with perfectly awesome guys because they don’t feel “a connection.”

But let’s think about the guys who make you feel tingly all over: the guy from work who might have a girlfriend. The guy from your gym who always smiles at you. The guy who took you out on one date and now only calls you after 2 a.m.

What do all these guys have in common? None are a sure thing.

Most of them probably don’t want to date you. If they did, they probably wouldn’t seem so unavailable.

In short: you feel that “spark” when a guy plays hard to get. That might mean playing games (e.g., not returning texts) or legitimately trying to let you down easy (because he really does have a girlfriend).

But when a guy does return your calls, and when he does ask you out on real dates, your heart doesn’t pound. You feel like it’s a sure thing, and you lose the excitement and anticipation.

That’s not to say that some guys won’t be legitimately boring. And you’ll probably go on more than a few dates with guys you have nothing in common with.

But the spark isn’t a sign that you’re meant to be with someone. It’s just a sign that he’s coming off as unavailable.

If you understand that, you’ll be able to make more informed decisions.

That means if you’re going out with a guy who’s cute and nice and smart, give him a chance before you decide he’s not the one.

If he’s being nice to you, you won’t get that fluttery feeling. But you might get something even better: a stable, meaningful relationship.


  1. But Date The District, isn't every girl looking for a guy who's cute and nice and smart? Is your advice, "don't get your hopes up" when you finally meet him? And give those who you don't feel as much for a chance?

  2. It's funny. I'm seeing someone right now that I don't get that "tingle" when I see them, but they are doing everything that I like in a woman.

    I would have to agree with you that lust is the main driver in that feeling.

  3. I hope and pray that girls all over the city read this post and heed the instructions.