Monday, February 1, 2010

Missed Connection of the Day: Dear cute asian woman I followed home from the metro - m4w - 28 (Silver Spring)

Dear cute asian woman I followed home from the metro,

I am sorry that I followed you all the way from the metro to (what I can only assume is) your apartment building. I am sorry if my presence put you on edge for the length of that long dark stretch of lonely road. At 6'4" and 270 pounds, I can understand why I might appear intimidating. Add in the fact that it was already night, and that I have a beard and a septum ring. Then count in that I was wearing my hood up, which covered most of my face, and really it does make sense to me that you checked over your shoulder no less than 4 times in the three blocks to see if I was still behind you, each time giving a clear look of "oh fuck!" and then trying to walk-run as fast as your heeled boots could carry you over the slushy sidewalk. I know, it was super creepy. Trust me. If I had been in your position, I would have been scared too.

I want you to know that I consider myself harmless. Milquetoast even! Please, let me explain!

That whole walk was so awkward... there I was, walking home from the grocery store with two bags of comfort food, quietly ruminating on Valentines Day ideas that aren't hackneyed or trite, tired after a long day of reading and writing in cafes all over town and suddenly, there was this very small woman in front of me. I tried to pass you but my shoes have literally NO grip. None. So that refreezing slush was difficult to navigate at all, let alone trying to walk fast enough to pass you, up and down each of those hills, with my backpack on and two bags of groceries in my hands. And my hood was up because it was so cold my ears were throbbing with pain! If I had known that you were going to literally the exact same building that was my destination, I would have done anything to avoid the palpable tension of you trying to run away from me and me trying to not fall or die. Oh, and the reason that I didn't have a key, and waited outside of the building while you got on the elevator, checking one last time to see if I was STILL behind you? That was because I don't live in that building.

My boyfriend does.

He went to visit his father today, and I spent time working on my honors thesis in philosophy of language. I had to wait outside for his room mate to let me in, but really, by that point, there was nothing I could do that wasn't absurdly terrifying and awkward (and frankly kinda funny). So yeah, I'm sorry that I, a gay philosopher who's never thrown a punch in his life, absentmindedly toddling through ice while trying to be creatively romantic for the first Valentines Day of my relationship, scared you by the sheer coincidence of genetics and location. Honestly.