Thursday, April 22, 2010

Anatomy of a One-Night Stand

The other day, a guy friend of ours asked us to help him “slay” a girl he described as “really annoying, but she kind of has big boobs.”

We, of course, refused, but we asked him why he was so interested in this particular girl when he could probably find countless other women equally well endowed with (at least marginally) less abrasive personalities.

No, no, he explained, her annoyingness was the allure; the boobs were just an added bonus.

We loosened him up with a round of drinks and got him to elaborate, and we happened upon some pretty misogynistic sexual desires. Our friend prefers to have one-night stands with women he can’t stand for a litany of reasons, mainly because 1) he gets a Gob Bluth-esque satisfaction out of saying, “I f*cked that,” 2) he feels sexually liberated—he can try whatever he wants with her because he never liked/respected her to begin with, and 3) he never has to feel guilty about blowing her off because he dislikes her anyway.

We were about to get judgmental, but then we realized that few people have the purest intentions when it comes to one-night stands.

One-night stands rarely translate into great sex. Everyone has different sexual idiosyncrasies, which means sex with a new person often starts out awkwardly—especially for women, who often have a harder time orgasming to begin with.

So if we’re not doing it for pleasure, why are we doing it?

Women often receive validation from feeling sexually desired—if a guy wants to bone them, they feel better about themselves. Some women also seek men with money, power, and popularity for sexual flings because they like being able to tell their friends that they “f*cked that.”

None of this is unhealthy, per se, but it is good to think about. We’re not saying you should evaluate your motivations when it’s last call at Heaven and Hell and you’re ovulating, but it’s not a bad idea to think about why you have one-night stands in general.

If you are doing it for validation and self-worth, it might be a good idea to seek these things elsewhere.

The fact of the matter is, sex doesn’t make you more beautiful or powerful or popular. Sex is supposed to provide sexual pleasure (and, technically, babies), and the more you get off, the easier it is to feel sexually satisfied at the end.

But the more you try and make sex into something else (i.e., a self-esteem boost), the more you lose the ability to enjoy the pleasurable physical sensations.

If you have the wrong attitude, one-night stands can leave you feeling frustrated and wanting something more. You went into it wanting to feel better about yourself, and you’re left feeling hot and bothered with no orgasm to speak of.


  1. But is the validation to be sexually desired so high that women are willing to give up their bodies to strangers or mild acquaintances? I would say women with (speaking of GOB Bluth) very low self-esteem would go that far to seek such "validity".

  2. So many Arrested Development references these past few days, I love it

  3. I was going to say......AD all over this thing. But also, I love the point about not making sex a self-esteem boost. Cause like it or not, guys do that so much and it's completely unavoidable. Or it isn't.

  4. LOVE all the Arrested Development references

  5. I agree. When you have a 1 night stand, you really should accept it for what it is: great sex for one night.

  6. For me a one night stand is all about the sex.