Thursday, January 28, 2010

Survey the District: How to Enjoy Oral Sex

Dear Date the District,

I find that I am one of the only ones of my friends who does not thoroughly enjoy receiving it. The only thing that goes through my mind is "Wow, vaginas must be so incredibly disgusting. I feel bad that he's doing this." And of course, every girl's worst nightmare is being the girl with the smelly vag and not knowing it (I have a lot of guy friends, and they would include me in conversations about girls they've slept with and go into incredible detail about such things). I also hear from guy friends that they do not equate eating a girl out to receiving head, even though both are oral sex. Is it something you shouldn't expect to get until you're in a relationship (versus guys who get blowjobs from just about anyone)?

The first thing you should know is, most guys do enjoy going down on girls.

They might talk about smelly vags in front of their guy friends, but they’ll also lie about things like enjoying The Notebook in front of their peers.

Guys like watching you get off. They like watching you get horny and turned on, and they like doing things that’ll make you more enthusiastic about sex. Oral sex might not be every guy’s favorite pastime, but, in general, guys like giving oral sex a lot more than girls do.

If you’re really worried about smell, though, one of our friends swears by vaginal wipes. It sounds weird, but you can buy them at most drugstores and keep a few in your purse. When things seem like they’re headed in that direction, excuse yourself to the bathroom and freshen up. You don’t want to do this right before he goes down on you (you don’t want to taste like hand sanitizer), but if you use one in advance of the main event, you won’t be so worried about how you taste.

Shaving/waxing your pubic hair also goes a long way in the taste/smell/general appeal department. A hairless vagina looks, smells, and tastes cleaner, and it’s easier for guys to navigate.

But we bring up this vaginal maintenance, not for the sake of the guy, but for you. Because the first thing you need to do to be able to enjoy oral sex is relax. If you’re worried about grossing him out, you definitely won’t be able to enjoy yourself. So if grooming relieves some of these stresses, go for it.

Stop worrying about how he’s feeling, and instead focus on relaxing and turning yourself on. Think of it this way: penises aren’t always the cleanest/most beautiful organs, but that never stops girls from putting them in their mouths. It’s the same for guys.

Sometimes it helps to close your eyes and visualize something that arouses you. If you know how to get off with your fingers, get him to replicate those movements with this tongue. It’s not going to be exactly the same, so make sure to give him plenty of direction.

Be patient. It might take you a while to get used to the sensation, and it might take even longer for you to be able to enjoy it. Experiment with different angles/techniques. Sometimes if you put a pillow under your butt, the guy has better access to your sensitive spots. And oral sex is usually more effective when the guy spends a lot of time building up to it—kissing your inner thighs, teasing you, etc. But a lot of it’s going to involve working together—see Tuesday's post for more info.

On to the final part of your question: the guys who don’t equate going down on girls to receiving head are lazy. I’m sure we’d all love to get oral sex without giving it. But the fact is, oral sex is oral sex, no matter which gender it’s performed on.

It’s up to you to decide when you’re ready to initiate oral sex. But if you’re going down on a guy, he should be returning the favor—no matter what “stage” you’re at in the relationship.

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